Monday, August 11, 2008

Olympics + Letting Go

I've been watching a lot of Olympics these past few days. So good! My favorite to watch is gymnastics, but they don't show it here! Or maybe I've just been watching at the wrong times. It's okay, I'll catch up on it online when I get back to the States. Swimming is so exciting - Michael Phelps is AMAZING. The Taiwanese media has termed him as the "human fish" (yu ren) and he is seriously so fast! Crazy. I missed the final for men's 400 m relay because I had to go pick up my sister, but I saw some footage later - what a great finish!

Right now, Jerry is in Philadelphia heading towards a job interview at Lockheed Martin. He might be there for the next semester or even year. While part of me prays and hopes that he doesn't leave, I know that is extremely selfish of me. If this is an opportunity from God and the best option for him right now, who I am to stand in the way? Lord, help me to release this relationship into Your hands. It came from You, after all. Do what You will, lead us where You intend to, and let me be content. And fully satisfied in You. Help me to love and support Jerry in whatever You lead him to do, Lord.

I've realized that it is so easy to want to hold onto those you love, to the point where you just want them to be there, next to you. And that's human, and completely normal. But that doesn't mean it's right - you need to know when to let go, and when the most loving thing to do is to let them go. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier...

Another thing about letting go that God has been teaching me. In terms of leadership for next year, a lot of changes have happened that affect a lot of what has been planned for the small group ministry, and to tell you the truth, I was so scared at first. Scared that our plans would be ruined, scared that I wouldn't be able to handle everything, and just scared. But more and more, as I'm talking with other people on Core, God's shown me that this is not my small group ministry - it's His. I'm merely an instrument. We can plan and have vision from God, but He orchestrates the steps. I was reminded of this verse:

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. - Proverbs 16:9

God oversees the small group ministry, and always has, and it will grow and flourish in His timing and according to His will. I just have to be faithful to Him and continue to pray, and to do my part, and He will do the rest. This seems like such a simple lesson, but it is definitely one I have to learn over and over again. I've received a lot of encouragement the past couple of days, and I'm just thankful for brothers and sisters in my life that are really willing to support me in prayer. You guys are such blessings in my life!

Letting go is so hard for me, but I have an extraordinary God who has never let me down and knows my life, even the steps I have not yet taken. How can I say no to Him?

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