Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Blessings

God has really been heaping blessings upon me these days. Not that He doesn't always, but there have been some really cool things happening lately! :) I just feel so blessed to be here, still at Michigan, experiencing the joys of everyday life.

I finished grad school almost 2 weeks ago, and have been on break ever since. I've been packing a little bit here and there, attended two friends' wedding (it was beautiful!), saw Jerry (and he's coming tomorrow! Excited!), and have been hanging out with friends and resting.

It's been a good time. This week, I went to Starbucks twice to just sit, do my quiet times, journal a bit, and think. I started Beth Moore's devotional "A Woman's Heart" and it's different from "Breaking Free" - not as in-depth and not as much reading, but still really profound. Her Bible studies have really ministered to me and kept me growing in my faith and in my dependence on God. The first time I was at Starbucks, I ended up sitting for two hours. I journalled at least 6-7 pages (which is a lot! I usually write like a page) and just sat. There were people around me, but it was as if I was by myself with God. I haven't felt that in a long time. The study was about waiting on God's promises, because He's the only one who can make promises and keep them 100% of the time. I had this inner dialogue in my head:

"Well, God, if you can keep promises 100% of the time, why don't I trust you more? Why don't I depend on You more than I do now? Why do I always think I can do it on my own?"

"Because you still haven't given your life completely over to Me..."

It's true - this is one of the biggest things I struggle with, I think. Relinquishing my sense of power and control and trusting in God for His provision. Thinking of next year, after graduation, many have asked me why I chohse a profession that does not pay adequately. I always answer, "It's what I love to do, and it's what God has called me to do." But still, thoughts and doubts still fill my head - "What if I'm not as good at teaching as other teachers? What if I don't make enough to support my family?" Crazy thoughts, but sometimes they still creep into my mind. All these questions - proof that I still don't trust God with everything.

Again, God showed me yesterday that He is definitely more than enough. He hears my worries and He will provide.

During this break, I've been searching on Craigslist for used children's books so I can start building a classroom library for my class this year (I just wanted to find some of my favorites so I could read to my students if the teacher didn't have the books I wanted) and for my future classes. I saw a listing that a woman had put up for some books her sons were selling because they were getting older. After a few email exchanges, she told me she was an elementary school teacher in Ann Arbor, and asked if I would like to come to her classroom to look at the books and see which ones I wanted. So yesterday, I took Maggie with me to go look at books. This woman, literally, had SO many books. Maybe hundreds, including the ones on the bookshelf that we didn't even look through! She sold me around 70 books for $40 (most at just 50 cents each! What a steal!) and also gave me a "What Your Second Grader Needs to Know" for free and a filing cabinet filled with stories (books) and her lesson plans/activities for those particular books.

Wow. I was floored. It seems like such a little thing, but my heart was so happy. It just showed me again that this is where God has called me, and He will provide in ways that are very unexpected!

One week and a few days more of break -- I'm really excited to see what this fall has in store!!

1 comment:

merrill said...

Melissa, Your post touched my heart. I too find total surrender hard,and a daily choice. BUT He always gently reminds me of His love and faithfulness.
I am stepping out in my calling too as a christian life coach and teacher. And when it gets scary I just "Praise" the fears away for I know there is one thing that is true in my life, because of his great love for me I will not be consummed!
Have a blessed day and I will keep reading and praying for your strength too!
Peace, Merrill
Check out my Blog at www.justmerrill.com