Breaking

This past week has been very difficult for me. On the outside, I might seem fine and dandy, but on the inside, I was breaking. My heart hurt, because I had so many questions with so little answers. What does the Bible say about death? I couldn't find anything that described the situation, and I was filled with doubt. Last night during large group, it took all I had to get there and worship the Lord. I was exhausted - emotionally, physically spent.

The message was amazing - talked about the Word of Life sustaining us. Jesus only needed God's word to be sustained. Man does not live on bread alone.

The song. You Said. That was the retreat where I met you. That was when it all began. That was when we started having good conversations on AIM. Oh my gosh, it was then...

All the memories of you came back to me the moment the song came up, and I wasn't able to sing. It took all I had in me to hold back the tears, but they came anyway. I don't know how many times I've thought of you this past week and just teared up thinking about it or talking about it with someone.

I know you wouldn't have wanted me to be sad, but I can't help it. I need to grieve. You were too young to go. God, my heart is still wondering why You allow things like this to happen. I still believe You are good and You have our lives all planned out for us, but this? He still had so much to offer, so much to accomplish in this world. I still don't understand.